>> and chris hardwick. >> i have to follow a hufflepuff on this stage! >> for those of you that think voting is pointless, i say this. most of the things that you do are pointless. >> "jimmy kimmel live," coming up next.

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- robert pattinson. comedian chris hardwick. and music from ben folds five.

with cleto and the cletones. and now, all of the sudden, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. that's very kind. think, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming, thank you for watching. we are back home in hollywood. i hope you stayed out of the heat today. i hope you made the adjustment to daylight savings. you know, today is that magical day, it comes once a year, when the clocks in our cars are finally almost correct again. [ laughter ] and, by the way, if i could speak directly to the manufacturers of kitchen appliances for a second -- it's time to add a daylight savings button to your products.

[ cheers and applause ] every -- for real. every march and every november, i stand in front of my microwave for no less than 20 minutes trying to figure how to reset the clock. i never once used the baked potato button, so why don't we swap that out? i would use the daylight savings button twice a year. you know how many clocks i have in my house? 13. and my car makes 14. you get excited, you have this extra hour and then you spend that entire hour resetting alarm clocks. and where is flavor flav when you need him? he's nowhere to be found. so -- [ cheers and applause ] the days are shorter, the nights are longer. and that means it's team edward's time to shine. [ cheers and applause ] calm down, he'll be here soon. this is -- tonight's show is our first back after a week of shows in brooklyn.

you know, they say you can never go home again. they're right. i tried to go back to my old house and walked in on a lady in the shower. sorry. doing the show in brooklyn was weird. did you know they don't have superheroes outside the theater to take pictures with people. we went from hurricane sandy to 94 degrees here in hollywood today. that is a heat index equivalent to four shirtless robert pattinsons. [ cheers and applause ] very hot. i don't mind it. i really don't. [ cheers and applause ] all right! [ laughter ] oh. meanwhile -- it's an innocent bystander here in the crowd. there was an earthquake this morning in new jersey, either that or someone gave governor christie a jump rope in new jersey. very small earthquake, magnitude

2.0. i have to believe that was meant for us here in southern california, but this is what happens when mother nature uses apple maps. everything gets confused. [ applause ] meanwhile, you know there still isn't much gas in new jersey or new york. only about half the gas stations in new jersey are open right now and the ones that are have very long lines. in an attempt to alleviate the lines, the state instituted gas rations rules this weekend. drivers with odd license plates go on one day, drivers with even license plates, the other day. drivers with a screw driver can switch plates and fill up every day. you have to have one. phillips. as i'm sure you're aware, the presidential election is tomorrow. not just for president but tomorrow americans will go to the polls, elect a new leader and then we can all go home for thanksgiving to fight about it. i'm happy it's almost over. i am sick of elections. i hope we never do this again. [ cheers and applause ] never.

they say there hasn't been an election this close since hines ward versus kirstie alley in season 12 of "dancing with the stars." they're running neck and neck. obama and romney were both on "monday night football" tonight. and this is strange. their final campaign ad, i don't know if they did this to save money or what, but it's an ad they shot together. >> hello, i'm mitt romney, election day is here, i need your vote and i won't hesitate to buy it. >> wait. what did you stay? >> stay out of this. seriously? you need money, candy, women? >> whoa, whoa. don't forget about me. i'm already president. i can pick you up in a helicopter. >> concert tickets? vacations? power tools? vote for me and i'll give every american a jet ski. >> you know what? vote for me, two jet skis. >> don't try to out-jet ski me. i'm the guy on the jet ski catalog. >> vote for me and i'll tell you about roswell.

it was real. >> vote for me anne can be president for a day. nuke whoever you want. i don't care. i want this. >> espresso machines. >> mini bikes. >> i'm mitt romney. >> barack obama. >> and i approve this message. >> jimmy: i'm holding out for air force one. [ applause ] you know, the vice president, joe biden, spoke at a rally in richmond, virginia, this morning and he seems to be a bit confused about who he's running against. >> this is not your father's republican party, this is not john warner's republican party, this is not mitch romney's father's republican party. >> jimmy: mitch romney? pop-pop biden has been drinking robitussin again. leather vice president jacket. is everyone here planning to vote? [ cheers and applause ] i hope so. it's important. remember, voting isn't just a right, it's also a couple hours off from work tomorrow, so --

oh, here is a voting tip, something i learned the hard way. if they give you a cookie instead of a sticker tomorrow, you didn't vote, you gave blood. [ laughter ] i voted by mail and i have to say, it makes it a little bit harder to take the election seriously when you see -- this is actually on the ballot. roseanne barr's name for president. right above obama. makes it feel more like a "celebrity apprentice" election. i know a handful of people who won't vote because they think their vote doesn't count. that's a terrible way to look at things. for people who think voting is pointless, i say this. most of what you do is pointless. last night when you flipped channel and happened upon the last part of "the hangover part ii" and when it was over, they replayed it and when you got to the point where you started originally, you figured, well, i should watch the whole thing and went ahead and did that? remember that? go ahead and fill out the scantron. [ cheers and applause ]

thank you. on average, only about 60% of the eligible voters vote in presidential elections. but a lot more seem to say they do. and to prove it, we went out onto hollywood boulevard today to ask people if they went to the polls this morning to vote. now, keep in mind, there are no polls open in los angeles today. the closest thing, i think, is the county recorder's office in norwalk, which is 45 minutes away. but that didn't stop people from telling us they voted in tonight's edition of "lie-witness news." >> as you know, today is election day. you have gone to the polls yet to vote? >> not yet. >> are you going tonight? >> yes, tonight. >> have you heard about long lines? >> i heard about a lot of long lines. that's why i'm like, oh, [ bleep ], i have to hurry up and get there. . >> today is election day. have you gone to the polls to vote? >> i have not yet but i intend

to. >> today is election day have you gone yet? >> after i get something to eat. >> did you go and vote? >> i did. >> how were the lines? were they long? >> getting there. getting there. >> was it exciting? >> pretty exciting. as close as an election this is. >> what is your name? where are you from? >> people call me joker. i am from earth. and as you know, today was election day. did you go to the polls and vote yet? >> yes. >> yes? was it exciting? >> it was a blast! >> as you know, today is election day. you have gone to the polls to vote yet? >> i have gone. >> when did you go? >> this morning. >> how were the lines? >> pretty long. pretty long. >> did you get a sticker? >> no, i did not. >> i'll give you one. >> thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, elmo. i think we all just lost the

election. tonight, by the way, tonight was halloween in new jersey. last week the governor of new jersey, chris christie, moved halloween to tonight because of hurricane sandy. kids showed off their costumes, and thanks to facebook, we get to see a lot of kids in costumes. and more and more in recent years, those costumed kids are babies. many very young children are at the mercy of their parents' strange sense of humor around halloween. and finally, babies are doing something about that. >> we are your babies. your pride and joy. the light of your lives. so why? why dress us in ridiculous, inappropriate and humiliating halloween costumes? do we look like lobsters to you? or turkeys? or mr. t? or tacos? or prince? or fruit? or bikers? if you're going to dress us up,

at least put some thought into it. we can't fight back, but we will get revenge. paid for by babies bite back. >> jimmy: as well they should. [ cheers and applause ] one more thing. you know, i mentioned last week, we did our show from brooklyn and for the most part, brooklynites don't take crap. everyone in brooklyn lives on top of each other and as a result, you run into a lot of short fuses, which makes brooklyn the ideal place to unleash my cousin sal. my cousin sal spent an afternoon working behind the counter at a great pizzeria. we got him a uniform, got him some hidden cameras and as you'll see here, let the fun begin. ♪ >> how can i help you, good lookin'? >> four slices. >> four?

there you go. all right. >> nope. >> what happened? >> slithered off the thing. >> oh, no, no, four slices. >> two slices on the floor. >> i put four out. i don't know what happened. >> you spilled it out over the thing. >> i thought you had your hand out. >> i had my hand on this one. >> you said four slices, right? >> i said four slices but you slid it right out on the thing. >> try it again. let's bring it. >> i'm sorry -- >> no, no, it's all your fault. >> i know. >> here. give him his change. here's one more. [ laughter ] >> what are you doing? what's with you? >> you're killing me here. i'm trying to give you the pizza. there's a long line. sweep it up. i don't know. bad hands. try this again. if i slide these to you really fast, you're going to catch them, right?

>> don't break my -- >> which way? you never know. look at this. crossover. here you go. carmelo -- oh! oh! damn. so close. ♪ >> next in line, please. >> six. >> six, my god. what are you doing to yourself? >> excuse me? >> what are you doing to yourself? >> i'm not here by myself. >> six slices. save a couple weeks of your life, cut the grease off the top. a little grease off. every little bit helps, you know? want to stay on this planet. all right? i like that. >> can i get a tray? >> what? tray? they're not edible, i'll warn you. don't try to eat this.

all right? >> [ bleep ] wise guy? >> why are you getting upset? i like your style, man. i'm not saying that because you're heavy. >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: nicely done, cousin sal. thank you. tonight on the show, chris hardwick is here. we have music from ben folds five. and we'll be right back with robert pattinson, so stick around. list's all done. raise the roof!! no one says that anymore, mom. [ shopper ] raise the roof! ahh! raise the roof!! [ male announcer ] black friday continues all weekend with savings on electronics, home, christmas decor and more. the first and only place to go this black friday weekend. walmart.

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>> jimmy: hi there. tonight on the program, he has a one-hour special on comedy central called "mandroid," premiering saturday night. chris hardwick is here. chris started this website called nerdist and he sold it for $11 billion. sold it to the chinese. and then, music from a terrific band. this is their first album together in 13 years. it's called "the sound of the life of the mind." ben folds five from the bud light stage. [ cheers and applause ] that will be fun. we've got some good shows for you coming this week. we'll be off tomorrow because of the election, but we'll be back with new shows wednesday, thursday and friday with daniel

craig, john goodman, hayden panettiere, kirstie alley, the author of the "twilight" series stephenie meyer will be here, dave salmoni will be here with animals and we'll have music from tyler bryant & the shakedown, machine gun kelly, and boys like girls. join us then. if you've been watching abc today, you know that we have titled today a "day of giving." we're encouraging those who haven't to donate to help the victims of hurricane sandy. so far, we've raised over $14 million. if you'd like to help out please visit redcross.org/abc or call 1-800-help-now to donate. and we have our own charity auction from the show running right now. if you go to charitybuzz.com, you can bid on the desk i sat behind during our shows in brooklyn last week. it's signed by david letterman, jon stewart, stephen colbert, and i signed it too. the price is up to $21,000 -- so, it's expensive, but all the proceeds go to help the hurricane sandy relief effort. you have until november 14th to bid. and if you win, you can do your

own talk show in your house, which would be weird, but fun. our first guest is an internationally beloved actor with a bloodthirsty legion of fans. and he portrays a 107-year-old vampire with very young-looking skin. the journey is almost over. "the twilight saga: breaking dawn part 2" opens november 16th. please say hello to robert pattinson. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: good to see you. everyone's excited. they've been lined up around the block, all day. [ cheers and applause ] look at him. is he everything you imagined? i mean, just, really, just take a moment to take him in, i mean, look at him. [ cheers and applause ] robert, i heard your shoes are too big. is that true? >> yes.

literally. oh, man. and now i realize i'm wearing really ridiculous socks, as well. during the whole interview. >> jimmy: they do look kind of -- somebody got the wrong size? >> extremely embarrassing. >> jimmy: you know, there's a bowling alley across the street, we could get you another pair. >> i look like a clown. >> jimmy: are your feet sliding? >> i was going to have vodka backstage -- not a good combination. >> jimmy: vodka and big shoes. yeah, that is a bad combination. that's why clowns don't get drunk. boy, you almost never have to talk about being a vampire ever again. until the dvd comes out, i guess. >> yeah, yeah. possibly. i doubt it. probably talk about it next -- rest of my life. >> jimmy: rest of your life, no question about that. you'll be talking about it the rest of your life. but it's -- i mean, there's no chance they're going to add a

sequel onto the end of this or anything like that, is there? >> i hope. >> jimmy: you hope they do? [ cheers and applause ] have you been traveling around the world promoting this movie? >> i only did -- i've done australia so far. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> new york tomorrow. >> jimmy: you have any fun when do you that stuff? do you get to do things or is it all work? >> it's normally all work. it's normally really boring. i'm a freak. i want to stay in my hotel room all the time. >> jimmy: i see why. you need to go to -- [ applause ] >> what? >> jimmy: you need to go to an island of only men or something. even that might not work out. [ laughter ] >> i got -- i went skydiving in australia, which was pretty fun. >> jimmy: had you ever done that before? >> no. >> jimmy: something you wanted to do or somebody bullied you into it? >> something i wanted to do and it's also how i want to die.

just out there experiencing, i'm glad i'm doing it tandem, because i would not pull the chute. the most exhilarating -- exactly what i imagined it would be. >> jimmy: who was mounted to you during this? [ cheers and applause ] >> i was the only one who got a girl, which was funny. >> jimmy: you got a girl? what a surprise. [ laughter ] how much did she pay you to take you on this trip? >> didn't think she was that into it. it was kind of weird. she had this little wrist camera and she was trying to get me enthusiastic to get a little movie going and every time she turned it on i was so, like, crippled with self-consciousness. did not understand -- she was very, very australian and kind of outdoor sportsy and -- >> jimmy: did you get scared on the way down? >> no, i just -- i just, i don't know. i was completely -- i felt so relaxed. i loved it. >> jimmy: you did? you loved it? something would you do again? >> i wanted to go up immediately

afterwards. >> jimmy: was she screaming on the way down? "oh my god i'm attached to robert pattinson?" was there any screaming going on? >> i thought i was screaming but but like, this guttural, sounded like ted levine's voice. >> jimmy: who is ted levine? >> the guy from "silence of the lambs." >> jimmy: oh. >> just hear it like -- really strange. >> jimmy: so, tomorrow, i don't know if you're aware of this, because tomorrow is election day in these united states. you are a foreigner to our country. here we elect our officials. they are not crowned first. they are chosen by mostly idiots. and so, you will be left out of that process, i assume. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you feel left out? do you feel jealous? would you like to be part of it? >> i don't know. i don't like any kind of responsibility. >> jimmy: no responsibility?

>> i would vote for people like me to not be able to vote. >> jimmy: you would? because i think if you showed up down there, said, listen, i'm not an american, but i am a celebrity, and i think they would probably let you at least check off a few boxes. >> it was weird. when obama won last time, i was doing the press for the first "twilight." i didn't know what was going on. people were screaming in the streets of new york and i had absolutely no idea what was happening. >> jimmy: maybe if obama gets re-elected there will be more "twilight" movies. there will be another series. if i was him, that would be in my commercial. we're going to take a quick break. when we come back, we'll have a look and hopefully -- i think there's going to be tears when we come back. robert pattinson is here. we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] applebee's new spirited cuisine.

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i've had a bad habit of underestimating you. every obstacle you face, i think you couldn't overcome. and you just did.

you are the reason i have something to fight for. family. >> jimmy: aw. robert pattinson, the movie is "the twilight saga: breaking dawn part 2." what did you guys think? >> i just notice d -- >> jimmy: what? >> this is a very clear example of it. in the whole series, for a series, basically every scene i end up kissing someone. >> jimmy: right. >> i have such extraordinarily loud little pecks. it sounds like i'm walking around in wellies. >> jimmy: is that the actual sound? are they going back and putting the sound -- somebody going -- >> i don't understand, my lip is like a vacuum. [ screams ]

that's not -- that's not sexy at all. >> jimmy: even guillermo is blushing from that. you've been doing this for four years now, right? is there one, like, memory you have of shooting this stuff that, above all, that will stick with you? i mean, i know it's a lot of ground to cover, but is there one thing that you remember most of all? >> since the second one when they were doing, when they had werewolves and the visual effects thing, where a guy had to run down and had little bit of fur with a stick on it and a ball with a stick on it and they had to do fur and balls, like, every single time. and the second, fourth and fifth movies, that is the most lingering memory. desperately running down a hill with a furry stick and a ball stick. always the most important thing. doesn't matter what the scene was. or how it went. >> jimmy: fur and balls. what were the balls for?

why did they have balls in their hands? [ laughter ] >> i don't -- i don't know. i think it was just like -- just for fun. >> jimmy: this is exciting. i don't know if this excites you but you're on the cover of "mad" magazine. this is a big deal. the reason i show this, if we actually, if get a shot of all of us together, if we pose with this, i think i'll get a free subscription to "mad." yeah, there we go. okay. >> actually looks kind of -- that's, like, a better version of me. supposed to make me look stupid. >> jimmy: they make people grotesque but even they're in love with you. unbelievable. i want to ask you about one other thing, if i could. this is a photograph -- i don't note where -- oh, one of your friends tweeted this. this is you're at a bar, you seem -- you seem to be drilling a hole in the bar. why are you doing that?

>> i mean, i love it. the easiest explanation is the bottle. i didn't even notice that. >> jimmy: i guess that would explain it. >> i actually don't remember. >> jimmy: this was not a project? >> doing an art piece. >> jimmy: all right. well, we've covered a lot of ground. of course, everybody will see the movie. it's a very, very big deal. it's the final countdown. >> yep. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> all done. >> jimmy: all right. well, it's very good to see you. thank you for coming. robert pattinson, everybody. "the twilight saga: breaking dawn part 2", november 16th. we'll be right back with chris hardwick.

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>> jimmy: hello there. still to come, ben folds five.

our next guest is a comedian, tv host, podcaster and founder of the vast internet empire known as nerdist. his new standup special, "chris hardwick: mandroid" premieres saturday night on comedy central. please say hello to chris hardwick. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you are always instagraming and blogging -- >> i know. >> jimmy: all that stuff. >> all the internetting. >> jimmy: don't you ever take any time to really just enjoy life as it is, instead of tu turning everything into technology. >> life is not anything without the internet. let's talk about how i had to follow a hufflepuff on this stage! what is happening? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think that makes you immortal somehow. >> i know. damn hufflepuff. nice. >> jimmy: i'm glad to have you here. i've known you for a long time.

how long have we known each other? >> we -- for the long time, since the 1900s. we worked together at k-rock in l.a. >> jimmy: i was the sports guy in the morning show. you were the overnight disc jockey. >> you pulled first internet prank anyone's ever pulled on me in like 1995. i was on aol, that's america online, kids. [ laughter ] i was internet messaging a girl that i worked with. we were literally just friends. i go to come back from the bathroom -- this is when i learned you should never leave your computer and your account on. i come back and i see a phrase i don't recognize, "well what will do you to me next?" i'm like, what? i scroll back and jimmy has basically said all these things he wanted to do to her sex parts >> jimmy: yeah. >> and she went for it. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. congratulations to you. >> didn't go well after that.

>> jimmy: that was you. >> no, no. and so, i, of course, i felt bad so i had to go to tell her, like, hey, you know how you just exposed yourself to a stranger? that was a big prank. sorry. >> jimmy: i remember what you did. you looked at the computer and you went "no, no, no." and then you raced off and dialed this woman. and, yeah, i'm sorry about that. >> i had to apologize. >> jimmy: it was fun. >> some day he'll be famous and have his own show, you got pranked by jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: you've got an anecdote. >> exactly. >> jimmy: congratulations. you started a website, which everyone does. but yours became super popular. >> i guess so. >> jimmy: you sold it for $4 billion. right? >> somewhere between $4 and $100 billion, i think. worth about as much as "star wars." the math checked out. sold to it legendary entertainment, produces "dark knight," "hangover,"

"inception," "300." >> jimmy: do you have to say nice things about their movies? >> i already love their movies, jimmy. >> jimmy: have you been compromised? >> i don't have to. no, no. it's cool. they let us do whatever we want. >> jimmy: you host a very popular podcast. >> nerdist podcast, yeah. >> jimmy: how many people listen to that? >> i think we do -- i don't know. somewhere between 3 and 4 million downloads. >> jimmy: crazy. and you get big stars to be on this, including maybe the biggest star of them all, tom hanks. >> tom hanks! had tom hanks on. >> jimmy: tell the story how you got tom to do your show. >> one of the ladies who helps book the podcast, ashley, said, tom actually collects vintage typewriters. i was like, we'll do that. i'll type out the invitation, it was polite. come on the show, won't murder you. and sent him typewriter and i

got a letter back on play tone stationary, his company, and -- >> jimmy: this was the actual letter. >> you meet, like, a lot of celebrities, you see them, i bet i could hang out with that guy, and then you meet them and you go, i can't hang out with them at all. tom hanks is very bit the guy that you want him to be >> jimmy: very funny letter, too. who do you think you are trying to bribe me into an appearance on your thing with this gift of the most fantastic corona silent typewriter made in 1934? it's very good. >> at the end he damns us all to hell. >> jimmy: damn you all to hell. and did you enjoy speaking to tom? >> he was wonderful. he was such an amazing guy. if you never listened to the nerdist comedy, there's three of us and he is the spirit animal of the podcast. i hit him up for comedy. matt hit him up because he's a nasa freak and jonah with the music freak. all of the stories you heard about tom hanks, 100% true. you had him on. >> jimmy: he's a monster, in my opinion. no. he's as good as they come. first standup comedy special.

>> "mandroid," yeah. >> jimmy: why do you even do standup anymore? >> because i'm broken inside and i need attention. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> why does any comic? >> jimmy: is that what it is? >> of course it is. >> jimmy: because most comics, when they reach a certain level of success, go, i won't do that anymore -- unless they're lunatics. >> some people do it to get famous and some people like louis ck, he'll do standup until he's dead. he will do it forever. i love doing standup and i want to do it always. >> jimmy: so you're doing it. >> my first special. >> jimmy: what do your parents think -- >> maybe i won't get to do this anymore. i hope this goes well. please watch this. i just want you to like me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: first time we met, i was impressed because you were doing that show "singled out," but that i was not impressed by -- >> couple of milfs in the show remember that. >> jimmy: i was impressed because your dad is professional bowler billy hardwick and my

dad -- >> couple of milfs remember my dad. >> jimmy: my dad is a professional watcher of bowling on television. so, to me this was a big deal. i remember calling my dad and i'm like, i'm working with billy hardwick's son right now. he's like, you got to be amazing. amazing. >> my dad is a hall of fame bowler. my dad attracts more of the gilfs at this point. there was a couple. he's -- the golden girls. >> jimmy: does he understand what you're doing? >> he does. my dad is one of those guys, he's 71 years old and like technology to him, have you ever thought, like, if i could just unfreeze someone from the '50s and show them what technology is, how to blow their minds. that's my dad. i just got him on e-mail and texting was really sloppy for awhile. within a week, i swear to god, i don't know, he's texting me like a tween girl. i get l-o-l and if i say i'll call him, i just get the letter "k."

omg is r-patz on kimmel tonight? lol, smiley. my dad has turned into a teenage girl. >> jimmy: your mom is the same way? >> my mom has been online forever, but i did -- i did get her onto twitter and as soon as i got her own, i was like, why did i do that? now she can track everything i could do. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> because when your parents are on your social network, it's just asking them to come over and hang out with your friends. every horrible joke i make online, like, i watched "homeland" last night, almost couldn't masturbate to that. my mom is like, nice. you know, like, oh. >> jimmy: you got to separate your work -- >> you have to separate. >> jimmy: well, it's great to see you. his special is called "chris ha hardwick: mandroid" premieres saturday night at 11:00 on comedy central. and chris hosts "talking dead" sunday nights at 11:00 on amc. chris hardwick. we'll be right back with ben folds five. [ boy 1 ] hey! that's the last crescent.

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>> jimmy: this is their new album. it's called "the sound of the life of the mind." here with the song "erase me," ben folds five! ♪

♪ what was our home paper not stone a lean-to at most and when you pulled ♪ ♪ your half away gravity won like it always does did i weigh a ton ♪ ♪ would it be easier to just delete

the pages and the plans we made ♪ ♪ erase me so you don't have to face me ♪ ♪ put me in the ground and mow the daisies ah, the memory ♪ ♪ see how it goes when you erase me erase me ♪ ♪ so what will you do with no me for you i know what we said ♪ ♪ but what if i left ♪ a thing or two ♪ we know that you don't seem to think about what you

need until you ♪ ♪ reach to find that you've ♪ ♪ erased me what is this you're crazy ♪ ♪ turned around in two weeks time replaced me ♪ ♪ ah, the memory everybody knows how it goes you just ♪ ♪ erase me do me like a bro and tase me ♪ ♪ fireworks poof it's gone ♪ ♪ amazing new bio you've gone solo ♪ ♪ drawing mustaches on our wedding photo erase me erase me ♪ ♪ erase me ♪

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ erase me this is not shouting baby ♪ ♪ erase me go and call the cops now baby ♪ ♪ ah the memory everybody knows but the brand new ♪ ♪ erase me and you'll never have to face me ♪ ♪ erase me option-command-escape me ♪ ♪ and if you feel nothing guess what i wanna be nothing ♪ ♪

>> jimmy: i want to thank robert pattinson and chris hardwick, i want to apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. this is the album. "the sound of the life of the mind." it's out now. playing us off the air with the song "do it anyway," see the full performance on jimmykimmellive.com. once again, ben folds five! good night! ♪ ♪ you ♪ ♪ if you're paralyzed by the voice in your head ♪ ♪ scaring you instead ♪ go on and do it